Author: ShapedByTruth

Think of a time that you were offended by someone.

You very probably had every justifiable right to be offended by someone else’s actions.

They could have done something that would be considered as hurtful by any reasonable person in the same situation.

It was something that would have caused anyone to be hurt, and so you feel fully reasonable and justified in feeling hurt by their actions.

Now, at this point you have a choice.

Yes, even though you might be completely justified in being hurt, you still have a choice.

Popular psychology, society, your parents, friends, and favorite tv personalities would all say that you don’t have a choice. That if someone does something hurtful to you, you don’t have a choice but to feel hurt. That if you don’t accept the hurt and learn to cope with it, that you are in denial.

I’m not talking about denying that someone did something hurtful. I’m not talking about saying that what they did was in any way “right”, “ok”, acceptable, permissible, or something that can be ignored or rationalized away. I’m not even saying that they don’t deserve to be punished for what they did.

Truly, if someone does something hurtful to you, they are responsible for those actions and the consequences regardless of how you react to it.

Hello, did you get that? If someone does something hurtful to you, they are responsible for those actions and their consequences regardless of how you react to it.

Choosing not to react in kind to someone’s offense does not alleviate that person of the responsibility for what they have done; all you do is decide to let God judge them instead of you.

Trust me, God is a much better judge than you ever could be.

What I am saying is that you have a choice in how much you let what they did impact your life.

It will only impact you as much as you let it. It will only have as much power over you as you let it. It will only be as big as you make it. It will only control you as much as you tolerate it. You will only be victim to it as much as you allow it.

It doesn’t take any faith or special talent for you to accept the hurt and let it take root in your heart. Anyone can do that.

It is the natural reaction of your flesh. The flesh will want to internalize the hurt, and use the hurt as an excuse to have a pity party and pass that hurt on to someone else.

Your flesh loves pity parties. Your flesh loves it when people feel sorry for you and sympathize with you. Your flesh wants to have everyone agree with you, that you have been wronged, and the other person is the bad guy. Your flesh wants the excuse of being a victim for your own poor behavior. Your flesh wants the excuse to turn around and do hurtful things back and feel fully justified in your reaction. Your flesh wants you to listen to your emotions and feelings.

I tell you, when you do that, when you internalize that hurt and react to it, it is its own “reward”.

Otherwise, when you do that, you are reacting under your own power and not trusting God to act on your behalf. If you are not trusting God to act in your behalf, then He won’t.

By not trusting God to act, you are effectively saying: “God, this person deserves my scorn and I don’t want you to interfere. I can handle it, I can punish them better than you can.”

Interestingly enough, people will react this way, and then turn around and get mad at God for not doing anything about their situation.

They will let the evil act plant a seed of bitterness in them. They will water those bitter seeds by “meditating” or rehearsing/replaying the hurt over and over (oh, yeah, the flesh really loves to do that too!) that way they can feel the hurt over and over again.

The more they do this, the stronger it takes root in their heart. Out of the overflow of hurt and bitterness in their heart, they turn around and pour it out on people around them. This continues the cycle of hurt, it sows hurt and bitterness in others around you.

Instead of letting it get so far, nip it immediately. Choose not to be offended.

If you choose not to be offended, if you choose not to be hurt, then this is effectively saying: “God, I trust you to take care of me. I see your love as being bigger, more influential, and more powerful than anything anyone else can do to me.”

Romans 12:17-21
Repay no one evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as far as is in you, being in peace with all men. Not avenging yourselves, beloved, but giving place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” Therefore if your enemy hungers, feed him. If he thirsts, give him drink. For in so doing you shall heap coals of fire on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

The Message Bible puts it this way:
Rom 12:19 Don’t insist on getting even; that’s not for you to do. “I’ll do the judging,” says God. “I’ll take care of it.”

Would God tell you how to react without giving you the ability to choose to do it that way?

What does it mean to do something in faith?

Particularly in this case, reacting in faith is to choose to put more trust in God’s Word than in feelings. Acting in faith is to obey God’s Word rather than what your flesh is crying out for.

We can do everything God says we can do because of the strength that Jesus has given us. the Holy Spirit (the Comforter; the Spirit of power, love, and a sound mind) gives us the strength to manage our thoughts and reactions. change the way you think, your feelings will eventually catch up.

Pro 23:7 for as he thinks in his heart, so is he

When you put your trust in God, then that is saying to God: “I trust you to hold this person accountable for their actions. I know you can have a greater impact on them than I ever could myself.”

When you react spitefully, all you will accomplish is returning bitterness back to the person who hurt you. You react this way because you doubt that God will do anything about the situation, even though scripture clearly says that He will.

Reacting out of bitterness will only serve to harden their hearts. Within their own minds they will reason that now they are a victim and are justified in reacting… and so on the cycle goes.

By your choice you can break this cycle.

By choosing to react with love and grace this leaves the other person’s heart open to the ministering of the Spirit and the person will be more likely to realize the hurt they have done.

“For in so doing you shall heap coals of fire on his head”

Ok, so how do we prepare ourselves to react this way? Here are two areas to work on for starters.

The first area deals with what you are full of.

When offenses come, just like any other form of stress, it is a kind of pressure or press. Just like a grape (or a bug) when the pressure is on (when it is squished), whatever is inside will come out.

Luk 6:45 A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.

What is inside of you? What have you been spending your time on? What have you been “consuming”? What have you been meditating on?

The second area involves the importance you place on yourself — a topic being treated in a future article.

I come across people everywhere I go who are held bound by deceptive conditions, and these conditions have come about simply because they have allowed the devil to make their minds the place of his stronghold. How are we to guard against this? The Lord has provided us with weapons that are mighty through God to the pulling down of these strongholds of the enemy, and by means of which every thought shall be brought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. The blood of Jesus Christ and His mighty name are an antidote to all the subtle seeds of unbelief that Satan would sow in your minds.

Smith Wigglesworth, Ever Increasing Faith, 1924

Deu 7:15 And the LORD will take away from thee all sickness, and will put none of the evil diseases of Egypt, which thou knowest, upon thee; but will lay them upon all them that hate thee.

Deu 28:1 And it will be, if you shall listen carefully to the voice of Jehovah your God, to observe and to do all His commandments which I command you today, Jehovah your God will set you on high above all nations of the earth.

Deu 28:2 And all these blessings shall come on you and overtake you, if you will listen to the voice of Jehovah your God.

Deu 28:3 You shall be blessed in the city, and be blessed in the field.

Deu 28:4 The fruit of your body shall be blessed, and the fruit of your ground, and the fruit of your cattle, the increase of your cows, and the flocks of your sheep.

Deu 28:5 Your basket and your store shall be blessed.

Deu 28:6 You shall be blessed when you come in, and blessed when you go out.

Deu 28:7 Jehovah shall cause your enemies that rise up against you to be stricken before your face. They shall come out against you one way, and flee before you seven ways.

Deu 28:8 Jehovah shall command the blessing on you in your storehouses, and all that you set your hand to. And He shall bless you in the land which Jehovah your God gives you.

Deu 28:9 Jehovah shall establish you a holy people to Himself, as He has sworn to you, if you shall keep the commandments of Jehovah your God and walk in His ways.

Deu 28:10 And all the peoples of the earth shall see that you are called by the name of Jehovah, and they shall be afraid of you.

Deu 28:11 And Jehovah shall prosper you in goods, in the fruit of your body, and in the fruit of your cattle, and in the fruit of your ground, in the land which Jehovah swore to your fathers to give you.

Deu 28:12 Jehovah shall open to you His good treasure, the heaven to give the rain to your land in its season, and to bless all the work of your hand. And you shall loan to many nations, and you shall not borrow.

Deu 28:13 And Jehovah shall make you the head, and not the tail. And you shall be always above, and you shall not be beneath, if you listen to the commandments of Jehovah your God, which I command you today, to observe and to do them.

Deu 28:14 And you shall not go aside from any of the words which I command you today, to the right hand or the left, to go after other gods to serve them.

Pro 14:6 A scorner seeks wisdom, and it is not found, but knowledge is easy to him who understands.

“him who understands” is translated “open minded” in other translations. I prefer “teachable”, otherwise the scorner is a “know-it-all” and refuses wisdom even when it is right under his nose.

Joh 15:26 But when the Comforter is come, whom I will send unto you from the Father, even the Spirit of truth, which proceedeth from the Father, he shall testify of me:

2Co 3:6 Who also hath made us able ministers of the new testament; not of the letter, but of the spirit: for the letter killeth, but the spirit giveth life.

Rev 19:10 And I fell at his feet to worship him. And he said unto me, See thou do it not: I am thy fellowservant, and of thy brethren that have the testimony of Jesus: worship God: for the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy.

Neh 9:30 And many years You had patience with them, and testified against them by Your Spirit, by Your prophets, but they would not give ear. And You gave them into the hand of the people of the lands.

1Jo 4:1 (GNB) My dear friends, do not believe all who claim to have the Spirit, but test them to find out if the spirit they have comes from God. For many false prophets have gone out everywhere.





1. Will know them by their fruits

Mat 7:16 Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?

Mat 7:17 Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.

Mat 7:18 A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.

Gal 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,

Gal 5:23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

2. The Spirit of God will Confess Jesus as Messiah, God’s Son, the Word made flesh



1Jo 4:2 This is how you will be able to know whether it is God’s Spirit: anyone who acknowledges that Jesus Christ came as a human being has the Spirit who comes from God.

1Jo 4:3 But anyone who denies this about Jesus does not have the Spirit from God. The spirit that he has is from the Enemy of Christ; you heard that it would come, and now it is here in the world already.

1Jo 4:2 (MSG) Here’s how you test for the genuine Spirit of God. Everyone who confesses openly his faith in Jesus Christ–the Son of God, who came as an actual flesh-and-blood person–comes from God and belongs to God.

1Jo 4:3 And everyone who refuses to confess faith in Jesus has nothing in common with God. This is the spirit of antichrist that you heard was coming. Well, here it is, sooner than we thought!

3. False Spirits Talk the World’s Language. Instead of the Truth, they tickle the ears of listeners with what they want to hear instead of what they need to hear.



1Jo 4:4 My dear children, you come from God and belong to God. You have already won a big victory over those false teachers, for the Spirit in you is far stronger than anything in the world.

1Jo 4:5 These people belong to the Christ-denying world. They talk the world’s language and the world eats it up.

1Jo 4:6 But we come from God and belong to God. Anyone who knows God understands us and listens. The person who has nothing to do with God will, of course, not listen to us. This is another test for telling the Spirit of Truth from the spirit of deception.

4. Love for one another just as He first loved us. The Spirit moves us to show our love to God by loving people.



1Jo 4:7 My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God.

1Jo 4:8 The person who refuses to love doesn’t know the first thing about God, because God is love–so you can’t know him if you don’t love.

1Jo 4:9 This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him.

1Jo 4:10 This is the kind of love we are talking about–not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they’ve done to our relationship with God.

1Jo 4:11 My dear, dear friends, if God loved us like this, we certainly ought to love each other.

1Jo 4:19 We, though, are going to love–love and be loved. First we were loved, now we love. He loved us first.

1Jo 4:20 If anyone boasts, “I love God,” and goes right on hating his brother or sister, thinking nothing of it, he is a liar. If he won’t love the person he can see, how can he love the God he can’t see?

1Jo 4:21 The command we have from Christ is blunt: Loving God includes loving people. You’ve got to love both.

5. Keep His commandments. The Holy Spirit and messengers from God will never say or do anything contrary to God’s Word.



1Jo 5:2 The reality test on whether or not we love God’s children is this: Do we love God? Do we keep his commands?

1Jo 5:3 The proof that we love God comes when we keep his commandments and they are not at all troublesome.

Pro 1:10 My son, if sinners lure you, do not be willing.

Pro 1:11 If they say, Come with us, let us lie in wait for blood, we will watch secretly for the innocent without cause;

Pro 1:12 let us swallow them up alive as the grave, and whole, as those who go down into the pit;

Pro 1:13 we shall find all precious goods; we shall fill our houses with plunder;

Pro 1:14 cast in your lot among us, and let us have one purse.

Pro 1:15 My son, do not walk in the way with them! Keep back your foot from their path,

Pro 1:16 for their feet run to evil and make haste to shed blood.

Pro 1:17 Surely in vain the net is spread in the sight of any bird,

Pro 1:18 And they lie in wait for their own blood; they watch secretly for their own lives.

Pro 1:19 So are the ways of everyone who gains unjust gain; it takes away its owners’ life.

Isa 5:20 Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!

Rev 22:15 But outside are the dogs, and the sorcerers, and the fornicators, and the murderers, and the idolaters, and everyone who loves and makes a lie.

-> Everyone who loves a lie, and everyone who makes a lie

It is easy to believe a lie, just ignore the truth.

“Everyone who loves a lie” are people who like to have thier ears tickled with what they WANT to hear. They will ignore the truth because it is not what they want to hear.

2Th 2:11 And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie: 2Th 2:12 That they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness.

People go “shopping” or “cherry picking” for whichever “truth” legitimizes their behavior.

Pro 17:4 A wicked doer giveth heed to false lips; and a liar giveth ear to a naughty tongue.

Jer 9:4 “Be wary of even longtime neighbors. Don’t even trust your grandmother! Brother schemes against brother, like old cheating Jacob. Friend against friend spreads malicious gossip.

Jer 9:5 Neighbors gyp neighbors, never telling the truth. They’ve trained their tongues to tell lies, and now they can’t tell the truth.

Jer 9:6 They pile wrong upon wrong, stack lie upon lie, and refuse to know me.” GOD’s Decree.

The decietful develop lines of reasoning that have a false basis. The line of reasoning sounds “reasonable”, however it has a faulty assumption at its root.

Joh 8:44 Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.

Joh 8:45 And because I tell you the truth, ye believe me not.

Joh 8:46 Which of you convinceth me of sin? And if I say the truth, why do ye not believe me?

Joh 8:47 He that is of God heareth God’s words: ye therefore hear them not, because ye are not of God.

Joh 14:17 Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you.

Rom 2:8 But unto them that are contentious, and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, indignation and wrath,

Gal 3:1 O foolish Galatians, who hath bewitched you, that ye should not obey the truth, before whose eyes Jesus Christ hath been evidently set forth, crucified among you?

Gal 5:7 Ye did run well; who did hinder you that ye should not obey the truth?

2Th 2:10 And with all deceivableness of unrighteousness in them that perish; because they received not the love of the truth, that they might be saved.

2Th 2:12 That they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness.

2Ti 2:15 Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.

Jam 3:14 But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth.

1Jo 1:6 If we say that we have fellowship with him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth:

1Jo 1:8 If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.

1Jo 2:4 He that saith, I know him, and keepeth not his commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him.

1Jo 4:6 We are of God: he that knoweth God heareth us; he that is not of God heareth not us. Hereby know we the spirit of truth, and the spirit of error.

Response To: “My wife of 10 years has recently asked for a divorce. … Is it even possible we can work this out or am I holding on to false hope.”

I’ve recently gone through a similar situation with my wife. We have been married 9 years, and things basically have gone down hill from the day we got married until about 6 months ago.

Things aren’t perfect, but definitely for the first time I have hope about our marriage, that it can really work, and that it can really be more than just getting by but actually great.

Basically years of my going to counselors, her going to counselors, us going together, each of us going on and off meds, reading books, etc didn’t make for any kind of lasting change.

Here are a few points, let me know if you have questions about any of them and I’ll go into further detail. None of them really work on their own, but build off each other in no particular order

– I had to realize was that there was nothing I could do to change her, I could only change myself. Trite but true.

– I had to decide to love her whether she love me or not. Even if she never love me, I would first love her.

– I had to decide to love her even if she never changed or even if she changed for the worse.

– I had to decide I was in love with her and not what she did or didn’t do.

– Notice these are all DECISIONS, at no point did I guage success on anyone’s feelings. Feelings eventually catch up with whatever you DECIDE.

– Look it up, the bible says in two places “Husbands, love your wives”. Eph 5:25, Col 3:19. We are told to love our wives. God wouldn’t tell us to do it if we couldn’t. We can do everything He says we can do because Jesus strengthens us.

– It is NOT about what you can GET out of the relationship.

– It is ALL about what you GIVE into it.

– Relationships must be built. You must contribute love into the relationship.

– If each of you are expecting the other person to fulfill you, then you are each taking from the relationship until there is nothing left.

– A relationship is only built if both are contributing love into it. You may have to contribute in faith until you rebuild the trust. Do not expect your wife to contribute until she begins to trust you.

– If all you have to give is of yourself, then you will give yourself out. Draw your strength, hope, shelter, and love from God. He will fill you to overflowing, and out of the abundance of your heart direct that love to your wife.

– You may be right or have legitimate grievances. You must decide which is more important: to be right or to rebuild your relationship.

– Take responsibility for your actions and for your house. Do not pass the buck. The buck stops with you.

– Take this on like a project you might be assigned on your job. Realize that you will need a plan, a way to measure progress, milestones along the way, and a definite goal.

– You must fight for your marriage harder than you’ve fought for anything in your life. Do not stop or give up.

– Your wife is NOT the enemy.

– Direct your anger and battle at the true enemy that seeks to steal your joy, kill your relationship, and destroy your marriage.

– Reconciliation. Your wife may forgive you, but forgiveness does not mean immediate reconciliation of trust.

– You can love and forgive someone, but that does not mean you trust them or approve of everything about them immediately.

– Trust can only be earned and/or regained over time.